tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6805849547237374372024-03-06T03:54:25.673-05:00Not My Own"Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" Proverbs 3:5,6Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-1114755623187280932012-07-31T23:54:00.000-04:002012-08-01T00:04:06.340-04:00I will run to you (once again)Once again my thoughts are shifting toward those topics that we just don't discuss. There are feelings and emotions that are so raw no amount of words can help heal. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to get past the grief. No matter how much time I have, it will always slap me in the face. Just when I think I have it together, those are the moments my face hurts from the slap I wasn't expecting. In those moments when I'm still trying to grasp onto what just happened, I know, somewhere deep inside there is healing taking place. One day I pray my pain won't be so bad. I do pray, however that I never forget. I never want to forget these days, I never will forget these moments that I needed to be carried. Like this aching in my foot reminds me of how fragile my body is, I pray my heart will ache as a reminder of the lose I suffer everyday.<br />
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A very dear friend recently told me I am grieving. I wasn't really sure how to put my feelings into words. But she did, she knew what was embedded deep inside. She could identify with my emotions. She didn't tell me I need to get over it. She didn't tell me to be thankful for what I had. She didn't tell me that she knew what I was going through. She didn't try and out feel me. She didn't feed me that spiritual lingo so many others think is comforting. She didn't cliche my situation. I was a person with ligitament feelings and I deserved to be treated like I matter. She just listened and shed those tears for me that I can't seem to let come. She validated me and put her own trials aside to listen to my heart. She prayed with me. She knew I needed prayer more than anything. She knew that I knew all that she was going to tell me, so she didn't try to comfort me with words. She was my angel.<br />
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I heard a song today, seems I've been hearing alot of songs lately. Sometimes lyrics really speak to me This song by Kari Jobe really summed up my feelings today:<br />
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<i>Wish it could be easy<br /> Why is life so messy<br /> Why is pain a part of us</i></div>
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<i>There are days I feel like<br /> Nothing ever goes right<br /> Sometimes it just hurts so much</i></div>
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<i>But You’re here, You’re real<br /> I know I can trust You</i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQFd6pvswiXXYQ1w58D07FXe0xeFc-4oUiuiTmM3r95I97QaoVmsGH09wvrzvJT1mYy1VFdyIe2MlcgovUj5b3wuxz9h0tJrPgq9G5RSsanr8d_id_7LgJ3YYEJ7Lu4pZh5YWI1cqqc_mK/s1600/I+will+run+to+you.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQFd6pvswiXXYQ1w58D07FXe0xeFc-4oUiuiTmM3r95I97QaoVmsGH09wvrzvJT1mYy1VFdyIe2MlcgovUj5b3wuxz9h0tJrPgq9G5RSsanr8d_id_7LgJ3YYEJ7Lu4pZh5YWI1cqqc_mK/s320/I+will+run+to+you.png" width="320" /></a><i>Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard<br /> Even when it all just falls apart<br /> I will run to You ’cause I know that You are<br /> Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars</i></div>
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<i>You steady my heart<br /> You steady my heart</i></div>
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<i>I’m not gonna worry<br /> I know that You got me<br /> Right inside the palm of your hand</i></div>
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<i> Each and every moment<br /> What’s good and what gets broken<br /> Happens just the way that You plan</i></div>
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<i>You are here, You’re real<br /> I know I can trust You</i></div>
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<i>Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard<br /> Even when it all just falls apart<br /> I will run to You ’cause I know that You are<br /> Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars</i></div>
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<i>You steady my heart<br /> You steady my heart</i></div>
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<i>And I will run to You<br /> I’ll find refuge in Your arms<br /> And I will sing to You<br /> Cause of everything You are</i></div>
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<i>You steady my heart<br /> You steady my heart</i></div>
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<i>Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard<br /> Even when it all just falls apart<br /> I will run to You ’cause I know that You are<br /> Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars</i></div>
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<i>You steady my heart<br /> You steady my heart</i></div>
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<i>I’m not gonna worry<br /> I know that You got me<br /> Right inside the palm of your hand</i></div>
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<b><i>Who are you running to? </i></b></div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-37535408815526217142012-07-30T14:54:00.001-04:002012-07-30T14:54:10.650-04:00A not so peachy morning (for good reason)What was supose to be a productive, yet uneventful day, has really turned out to be an eye opener and full of scary surprises.<br />
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<ul>
<li>First, surprise I actually rolled out if bed early this morning, ready to start by very busy day. I knew I had peaches, blueberries, zucchini, and beans all to do in this one day. I proceeded to clean up my kitchen from a very fun evening with a few friends. </li>
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<li>Second surprise, I could not find my regular mouth canning lids to do up my peaches. But that was ok cause I would just use my wide mouth jars,</li>
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<li>Third surprise, I don't have wide mouth quarts, only pints. I already made the decision that I needed to do up my peaches in quarts this year. OK, well we will walk down to millers when the girls wake up and get those lids so we can start up.</li>
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<li>Fourth surprise, Breia did not wake up until almost 10. They are still recovering from the week away on vacation. So we started down to millers, later than planned,(at least that was uneventful). On the way back we stopped and visited with neighbors.</li>
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<li>Fifth surprise, Lily was in a really bad mood, she screamed and hollered the whole way home from our neighbors house. We got ourselves back in the house (kicking and screaming,mind you) hoping to get started on my peaches. </li>
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<li>Sixth surprise, I did not clean all the grease off our stove from last night. I put a dutch oven of water on the stove to boil so I could peel the peaches. I walked away for a minute and returned to FLAMES!!</li>
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I didn't realize all I did to save my kitchen until after I accessed the damage. I remember taking the kids outside first. Then I came back and took the water that was in the dutch oven and poured it over the flames. This did a good job of slowing down the fire, but it was still blazing. I ripped down the curtains that were already engulfed and stomped in them. I threw the paper towels that were on fire into the water that was all over the floor. then I proceeded to throw cups of water on the remaining flames. I do remember I didn't stop pouring water on it until it wasn't smoking anymore. <br />
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After I knew my kitchen was safe again I went outside and sat on the porch. All my emotions came at once. I was frustrated, scared and so very thankful. All this only took a few moments, my girls had hardly known I left them outside. We went and spent time with neighbors until the smoke cleared out of the house. .<br />
<i>I am so thankful for Gods protection in the whole situation. </i><br />
<i>I am grateful I could trust my girls to stay outside where I put them to play</i><br />
<i>I am grateful I was trying to boil water, pouring that over really helped.</i><br />
<i>I am grateful for my reaction time, I can't imagine how much we could have lost</i><br />
<i>I am grateful for the wisdom God gave me in my time of need. </i><br />
<i>I am so thankful for neighbors that are there when I need them</i><br />
<i>I am so thankful I didn't have those lids, if I had tried to start my peaches earlier (when I had planned) I would have had to wake the girls up and leave because the smoke was too thick I did not want to stay in the house. I wouldn't have had a place to go with two very grumpy girls that early in the morning.</i><br />
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<i><b>Once again, God is showing me that he is in control. He knows what he is doing and he will reveal to me his plan when I am ready to accept it. His timing is perfect. If I give him the day that is ahead of me, he will guide me and protect me in the ways that I need to be protected. (not in the ways I think I need him). So many times I think I am just waiting for nothing. But God's promise is that he will be there. When I am waiting on him, he will honor that. He will take care of all my needs. I matter to him, I can trust that he will make me smile when I need it the most. </b></i><br />
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I really did not know what I was doing when I did it, I only know from looking around after it was all over. Proof that my heavenly father was watching over me this day. Proof that God wanted to show me that if I will trust him, he will guide me. He was in my hands and feet, he was in the water that killed the fire, he was watching my children when I could not, he was in my head when I didn't know what to do.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-44731548166003624242012-07-26T11:28:00.001-04:002012-07-26T11:28:35.836-04:00A resounding promise I must cling to!!Carpel tunnel I knew, but now thumb tendonitis? My writing is coming to an abrupt halt. It has been a tremedous comfort to journal and blog about what God is teaching me. These past five months I've been working on my story, writing everything down, and was even considering taking up a writing course. I find writing keeps this life's journey in perspective. <br />
Is this another "NO" from the Lord? Is this another "slow down, you can't keep going like this"? Or is this just another obstacle put in front of me to over come?<br />
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My short story is finally making sense and I have to limit my writing. My daily devotions are flourishing, so why now? My healing is progressing, will I start sliding back down if I can't write as much? I feel closer to my creator when I'm writing so why is it being taken away from me? Is it really being taken away from me, or is this the enemy trying to discourage my progress?<br />
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I know God has a plan and I know everything will fall into its perfect place. And so I seek and search for the right words and the solution that will carry me through.<br />
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<b><i>Jeremiah 29:10-14</i></b><br />
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<b><i>"This is what the Lord says: " When seventy years are completed for Babylon I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."</i></b>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-8608844343212750222012-07-20T11:01:00.005-04:002012-07-20T11:02:07.380-04:00Joyful choice!I don't really feel like I come in contact with too many different people. Most of the time I see the same three people every day. When I do come in contact with certain individuals, it seems to really affect me. So this lady was about as miserable as can be. We were just not doing anything to please her and really weren't trying all too hard either because we knew it just didn't matter. She was yelling and just being nasty to us and I thought wow to live that miserable.<br />
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Ya know my natural tendency is to react, but when I see people that miserable it reminds me to think before I react. We only have this moment. We are not promised the next so I need to remember that there are certain things that just don't matter. My kids don't need to see me upset with things that don't matter. I don't want to leave that kind of impact on others, even on a smaller scale. Living this life being that miserable will only make others around us miserable and just ruin the joy in our everyday living. No way we were intended to have a bad attitude in general.<br />
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There are times when I feel that being miserable is justified. But my attitude is a choice and<b><i> I will decide</i></b> to delight in my savior. I want those around me to see the joy I have in Christ! <br />
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But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful
praises forever. Protect them, so all who love your name may be filled
with joy Psalm 5:11<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-72937108244202346482012-07-09T21:39:00.003-04:002012-07-17T11:22:51.701-04:00Nice, Neat RowsI finally got a good look at my garden this year, I got down and dirty today weeding it out. As I was scanning the plants I had to smile at the odd plants coming up not in the rows where they were originally planted. See, right after I planted the garden my husband set up the sprinkler to water it (right on top of the hill where I planted my beets... needless to say I have almost no beets). Well... the sprinkler proceeded to topple over causing a stream of water to wash out my lettuce, beets and some carrots. So now I have lettuce in random spots in the garden and carrots are popping up in my beans, and in between the rows. Only a few beets survived and they are mixed in with my lettuce.<br />
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My first thought upon seeing it several weeks ago was,<br />
"When my foot is better and I get to weeding, I'll just pluck them all up so it looks all nice and neat."<br />
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As I stood there and looked, I realized, that as funny as this garden looks, it is fully functional. A small part of it may be random and its really hard to walk around all the plants, but I will still get a good crop this year. My vegetable garden will thrive regardless of how it looks.<br />
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I had a thought... I don't really look all that great some days either. I may not have it all together, and I may not have all my "ducks in a row." If I'm willing, however, and my roots are solid, I can produce fruit no matter I messed up I may look on the outside.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-72889587607108092972012-07-09T09:04:00.000-04:002012-07-17T11:23:07.670-04:00Faithful!!I was so looking forward to getting away from the everyday. We rented a
camper and for a whole week, we enjoyed the great outdoors. I thought
"getting away" was going to solve my problem. Help ease the pain, that is so
deep I wasn't even for sure I knew all that was there. <br />
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<i>So, I made a camp fire (by far the best part of camping, even during the day). I remember as a teen I always did my best thinking by a campfire. I sat curled up with my bible, ready to hear what my father had to say. I did this all week and I came home feeling high. I thought that was just what I needed, a week to get away.</i><br />
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NO! What I needed was to be completely open to God and his teaching. Getting away from my everyday wasn't what made my pain subside. Seeking Christ and is purpose for all my pain, that is what made me feel better. <br />
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Coming home was an eye opener. Seems something so little as looking at my calender brings back all too well my relentless feelings of helplessness, and complete and utter failure.<br />
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I quickly learned that I can't run away, all my pain was there.<br />
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I felt the Lord tell me:<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">"Be faithful in the little things and I will give you the strength in the big things."</span><br />
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The little things huh? Did that include looking at my calender and seeing dates I was dreading? Yes. Does that include holding those babies I have been dreading holding? Yes. Does that mean talking about all that "stuff" that is buried inside this heart of mine? Yes.<br />
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If I do this and more than when those days come, God will give me the strength I know I won't have.<br />
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<i>So today I am updating my calender for the first time in five months. </i><br />
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<i>The next time I see a baby I'm going to steal it away from its mother (I'll give it back of course).</i><br />
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<i>I am finally going to bring to light all that sadness in a post I've been dreading. (Bear with me this may take me a while)</i><br />
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I know these next couple months will be hard. <i><b>I also know that God is a God of healing and he's on my side!!</b></i>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-20017009388438598682012-06-29T11:45:00.001-04:002012-06-29T11:45:27.643-04:00A prisoner of sadness and painIt's truly amazing to me how I can go most days living somewhat content with where God has me, and in a moments time all that seems like a distant memory. In a split second of time my mind is focused on all the pain and sadness. All in one instant I'm a selfish pile of slump, barely putting one foot in front of the other. <br />
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It is in these times I am so grateful for a God who cares. I am so thankful God has imbedded inside of me the desire to seek him in these hard times. I wish I had more faith and sought him immediately, but I suppose I'm a working progress in that respect.<br />
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I sat and prayed that what ever I read I could find some kind of comfort.<br />
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<b><i>"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God,</i></b></div>
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<b><i>who has saved us and called us to a holy life- not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,</i></b></div>
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<b><i>but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."</i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">2 Timothy 1: 8-12</span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>So what is it that I have entrusted to him?</b></span></div>
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Forgive me Lord, for I have not entrusted my entire being to you this day. I let my sadness cloud my thoughts!</div>
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I don't know why I feel what I feel, I don't know why days have to be so hard. But I know God is bigger, and I don't have to rise above the pile of slump all by myself. I have a God I can trust in. A God who sees my pain and feels it before I do. </div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-23751842363907267672012-06-28T11:00:00.002-04:002012-06-28T15:44:47.400-04:00How big are we really?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Jeremy and I enjoy watching this station that has alot of shows on history and creation (non biblical) and there was a show that had NASA scientists on talking about recent discoveries.These NASA Scientists are discovering new things about our galaxy, and even that there are many new Galaxys they don't even know exist.<br />
<br />
On this show they were talking about Dark Matter. At first it creeped me out, sounded like they were talking about something evil. The reality was they didn't seem to know what it was themselves, they just had to give it a name. Basically this matter makes up 70% of our galaxy and they don't know what it is.<br />
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We also get this creation magazine and it has so many awesome stories in it. Scientists focused the Hubble telescope on one part of the sky that was dark, and let it focus for several days. After the time was up, they discovered that in that small spot there were ten thousand new Galaxys. <br />
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Also, scientists were researching the size of the galaxy and they had a theory saying that with the big bang happening, at some point the galaxy should be closing in on itself. However, that theory got blown to bits when they discovered it is actually growing at an even more rapid rate than before.<br />
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<b>Made me smile and I think it makes God smile when he sees us trying to
figure out his creation and I think he loves to stump those people we
think are the smartest on earth. I truly think God has given these men and women job security with his creation. </b><br />
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I think it amazing when I look at God's smallest creatures, but the Galaxys? Wow, I'm in awe when I think of how big God's creation is, and how much bigger his is than all that he created.<br />
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<i><b>I think the key to being in a place where God can use me, is in realizing just how small I really am in comparison to his entire creation. </b></i>He hand made everything our scientists are still discovering(and will always try to understand). Yet, he made me in his image, he made me for a special purpose, for a higher calling. How many times do I question? How many times do I demand to know?<br />
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I should know by now, that a God that can create all this, surely knows whats best for me. So I will trust, I will follow him, and to the best of my ability, I will live my life pleasing to him. <br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-2086596302724871332012-06-28T10:24:00.003-04:002012-06-28T10:24:31.726-04:00Even the lady bugs!<i>"Mommy, Mommy, come quick, look... look,"</i><br />
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<i>I hobbled my way over to where Lily was pointing, frantically, at the ground.</i><br />
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<i>"It is a biigg lady bug mommy,"</i><br />
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Indeed it was a big lady bug. I know a couple that use to live in a house that would get overrun by ladybugs every year. Needless to say I'm not a fan of them in large quantities. I have to say though, I don't think I've ever seen one this large, it was fascinating. We were all bent down watching it and lily stood up,<br />
<br />
<i>"Mommy, where it come from?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"Well honey, God made lady bugs, just like he made everything else in nature,"</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"And me mommy?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"Yes, and you." My heart grew for her, she has been learning so much.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"What are they for mommy?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"I don't know what lady bugs do lily, but everything God creates has a purpose, even if we don't know what that is."</i><br />
<br />
I got up and sat on the steps and watched as the girls ohhed and ahhed over this creature so small, yet so important in their eyes. Breia kept pointing at it saying,<br />
<br />
<i>"That eiee, That?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>I love it when she asks her big sister questions, its so heart warming.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"That's a lady bug, Bee,"</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>Breia did her little cooing thing that she does when she gets her answer and Lily went on...</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"God made all this..." she was waving all around her now</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"Even the lady bugs, mommy says so bee."</i><br />
<br />
"Even the lady bugs," Such a profound statement, God created everything, even the lady bugs. Leave it to my daughter to have me realizing once again how marvelous God is.<br />
<br />
He created me for this world, he designed me with his own hands. I've had a lot of time recently to just sit and marvel at what God has created. <b>Everything has a purpose and, it is just all so wonderful</b>. Have you ever just sat and thought how the tiniest creatures have their purpose? He created them to do work. They were created knowing what to do and how to do it. I think of how this world functions, right down to the smallest detail. God did that. I think it's easy to think how wonderful God's creation is, and forget that I was created in his image. How much more beautiful and amazing am I? He took special care in creating me. <b>Who am I to judge or dis credit his creation.</b><br />
<b><br /></b><br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-80048976383047795642012-06-15T14:41:00.002-04:002012-06-15T19:14:18.218-04:00Taking the reins!<b>Funny how things seem to work out, I would like to think I have something to do with it, but I know its all God.</b><br />
<br />
<i>I had the opportunity to ride in the big rig with Jeremy for the first time in almost two years. The girls have been staying at my mother's on and off on account it is so hard for me to get around. I knew it would be difficult to ride in the rig, but I also knew I needed this time with my husband, we don't get the chance to be alone... ever.</i><br />
<br />
Anyway, I rode around with him for several hours and we came across a few Amish Buggys in our travels around Lewis county. Well, Jeremy knew the horses could get spooked as we drove by them, so he slowed down and eased passed them, hoping it would keep them from bucking. He was right, I could tell from far off that she was nervous already, she must have heard us. She had blinders on so she couldn't see us until we were right next to her. As we eased by her, she kept trying to turn so she could keep her eye on us. I was amazed at how spooked she was, for a moment she had no trust in her master, no trust in her lead. All she could think about was this big scary looking thing that was passing her. I watched even after we were by her she was nervous. Almost like she couldn't shake us off, she couldn't stop think about how much we had scared her.<br />
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I think so many times I am that poor horse. I'm traveling along like nothing, letting my master lead me. Then out of no where I can sense something is about to happen. I start to worry and fret, not knowing what will come next. Then it happens, I'm right in the middle of a situation, not paying any mind to my master whispering in my ear<br />
<br />
<b>"It will be ok Sarah, I'm here, Let me lead you, keep going, you'll be ok, It will be over soon." All I can think about is what is right in front of me, and how scared I am of it. Even after it's gone, I'm still trying to see it, I know its there. I'm still afraid of it, and I'm still having a hard time completely trust in my master. I want to take things into my own hands.</b><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>God wants me to trust in him, in his lead, no matter what is passing me by. He has my back all the time, just like that man never let go if the reins on his horse. God never lets go.</i><br />
<br />
I will never get to where he wants me to be if I don't trust him, and let him guide me no matter what passes me. If I'm constantly looking at those things that scare me, instead of what is really important, God can't use me.<br />
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<i><b>"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverb 3:5-6</b></i><br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-31899863467561578202012-06-11T17:45:00.003-04:002012-06-11T17:52:26.673-04:00It's a long road!<i>"You lift me up when I am weak<br />
Your arms wrap around me<br />
Your love catches me so I’m letting go<br />
You lift me up when I can’t see<br />
Your heart is all that I need<br />
Your love carries me so I’m letting go"</i><br />
<br />
<br />
Words to a song radiating through my radio. The same radio that hardly picks up any stations, and both the volume and the tuner knobs are ripped off (one of them is actually chewed off by my youngest).<br />
<br />
<br />
You might say I had this tragic thing happen to me. I've had a bum foot for three weeks now, and was told by the doctor I have a long road ahead of me. Even more tragic than that, I let myself get depressed about my situation. I was feeling so tired...<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8iAxoxBmchnyqmC56jxpvdEPPhMwro-aUs3xQ3YDoXqhFcJFkqKi9UieCeK8JgEu46ExF24hFcg6mE6n8q4AiBW6CSTfiZik42Iia4HK5COGC6FOj_NuChIqGznOZ9qjLWEgEof8_0Anr/s1600/0611121747a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8iAxoxBmchnyqmC56jxpvdEPPhMwro-aUs3xQ3YDoXqhFcJFkqKi9UieCeK8JgEu46ExF24hFcg6mE6n8q4AiBW6CSTfiZik42Iia4HK5COGC6FOj_NuChIqGznOZ9qjLWEgEof8_0Anr/s320/0611121747a.jpg" width="240" /></a><b>Tired of the crutches...</b><br />
<b>Tired of the pain...</b><br />
<b>Tired physically, getting no sleep at night...</b><br />
<b>Tired of looking at my dirty house...</b><br />
<b>Tired of feeling helpless...</b><br />
<b>Tired of feeling like a burden to my husband...</b><br />
<b>Tired of sending my children away...</b><br />
<br />
<br />
I let the enemy come into my heart and tell me all these lies<br />
<br />
<i>"Your helpless,"</i><br />
<i>"You're a burden to everyone around you,"</i><br />
<i>"Your husband does not want to help you,"</i><br />
<i>"You have no one," </i><br />
<i>"Your foot is always going to hurt,"</i><br />
<br />
All lies straight from the pit. This was another test that I had failed. Was I going to give it all to him? Was I ready to let go of the plans I had for this summer?<br />
<br />
I had dreams of what our summer would be and none of them consisted of me being laid up on the couch. I failed to let God be the <a href="http://annamarcelyn.blogspot.com/2012/03/true-artist.html">ThE TrUe ARtisT</a> of my summer.<br />
<br />
So here I sit so wrapped up in this song that is telling me to <a href="http://annamarcelyn.blogspot.com/2012/03/just-let-go.html">Just Let Go</a>.<br />
<br />
Listen to those things around you, God is in it all, and he wants to speak to us, after all <a href="http://annamarcelyn.blogspot.com/2012/03/father-knows-best.html">Father knows best!</a><br />
<br />
I think it's time to listen to my own words. I've stopped writing recently, and I feel like I'm loosing a part of me. God has given me a new zest, bear with me as I put the pieces back together.<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-89057466771379928792012-05-29T09:59:00.002-04:002012-05-29T09:59:42.833-04:00The reasonThere is that saying...<br />
<br />
<i><b>"The grass is always greener on the other side" </b></i><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRceXcwrwApUcMw_59lsbCEBAGAqKXZ9zpbDvWEPU4vZ2mbWjckKOrQAVsoK6uSUkYgL6o9XI6ofQIxNvm4sFWup0i-zZ4S9-talDTqRwXQL8ZPQmq-BckKmARxd-Hb6_-tRx-2dFRt6YN/s1600/0524121708.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRceXcwrwApUcMw_59lsbCEBAGAqKXZ9zpbDvWEPU4vZ2mbWjckKOrQAVsoK6uSUkYgL6o9XI6ofQIxNvm4sFWup0i-zZ4S9-talDTqRwXQL8ZPQmq-BckKmARxd-Hb6_-tRx-2dFRt6YN/s200/0524121708.jpg" width="200" /></a>Seems I am always wanting what is just out of reach. I've witnessed that with my girls as well. Lately, they want to go outside, but when they are outside, they want to be in. That is a simple example, but you get the picture. We are so quick to look at what others have and want it. What we don't realize sometimes is that by wanting whatever they have, we are degrading what we already possess. <br />
<br />
When I first got married I wanted a husband that was willing to help in the kitchen. Well, he was more than willing. He wanted to cook and bake, and stick his nose in every time something was on the menu. It didn't take long for me to get annoyed and just want a husband that ate my food instead of analyzed it. What I didn't realize, was that I was killing his desire to help. He no longer wanted any part of being in my kitchen, not because he didn't want to, he felt unwanted and unappreciated.<br />
<br />
It's hard to see a situation for what it is when we are facing it head on. Looking back, it is easy to say I would change the way I approached him, but at the time I just wanted things to go my way. However, when they did go my way, it wasn't enough.<br />
<br />
<i>God puts things in front of us for a reason. He gives us what we have for a purpose. Its not always easy to accept what God has in store for us. I have learned the art of taking one moment at a time. I have not perfected it, but it is a working progress. I find it's best to look at each moment for what it is, take a breath and keep going</i>.<br />
<br />
I keep thinking, "if only I could get this done, I would be satisfied," but I need to recognize that for what it is, a<u><b> Lie!</b></u><br />
<br />
Only Christ can satisfy me<br />
<br />
I can only do so much before I burn out.<br />
<br />
I can only walk so much before I have this throbbing pain in my foot <br />
<br />
<i><b>...and there is a reason, I shouldn't wish for things to be different, because I would miss out on what God has to teach me.</b></i>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-84290190642891185532012-05-24T14:01:00.003-04:002012-05-24T14:01:40.018-04:00Perfect and Beautiful<b>"I am who I am for a reason."</b><br />
<br />
I tell myself this many times. With great difficulty, I think on this when I get upset with myself. I believe,with great sincerity, that it is extremely important for us to grow in our knowledge. Knowledge, not just of God's word and what he desires for us, but also in ourselves. I need to understand myself and how I tick.<br />
<br />
<i>What makes me upset?</i><br />
<i>What makes me laugh? </i><br />
<i>What things make me happy?</i><br />
<i>Why do I get so irritated? </i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>and so on....</i><br />
<br />
By doing this I am able to predict my own reactions to certain situations, and therefor prepare myself. I have found this extremely helpful, I find myself laughing at a situation instead of crying. I find myself more patient with my children when they do something wrong. I find myself being more positive about my current state.<br />
<br />
There is a draw back though. Something I have to be careful with when I claim this statement. I can not use it as an excuse. I need to continue to grow from what I am going through. I can not settle, God has so much more for me. I can't justify my actions by claiming this statement.<br />
<br />
It's true that God has made us a certain way for a reason. <i><b>We have certain feelings, we are like no one else. </b></i>We think differently than anyone else. We are so very unique, and we can not copy cat others. We are who God created us to be. Accepting that is hard, but so freeing all in the same thought. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6du5D4XCmdDi6lyZNGDhAlbIYt_4RJEXkiHco3-CmhlOLYFdQOJ4iPE0jTigLzIg-FztDQb5l4_hgkujB2ucT5Wxxx3f_k8FgoWAX-hVXTHYjjDsoJJYIqkqbAlS-ehvah6A1dBaZdlJX/s1600/sunset.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a>I admit I am a complete head case at times, I would rather lash out than talk calmly. However, I have come to realize that lashing out is not good for my relationships. I still have that burning desire to lash out and it, most of the time, is for a good reason. But instead of lashing out, I can talk calmly, get a better reaction from others, and protect those around me.<br />
<br />
God has instilled in me a great passion, a fire that can be harnessed and used for good instead evil. The devil knows I have this passion, and he wants me to fail. He wants me to lash out and tarnish, scar and ultimately ruin my relationships with those around me. It is a daily, moment to moment struggle at times.<br />
<i><b><br /></b></i><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvX39L1Vy6U_01ZJvTqJWxxzGFjsrZ_kvnvBliH9Rr50_2ojDCiY2kU9APZG4l_ayOoxlcFPsmnjz_GxXoAFZYUWH5nugfMiOBQITnX6O6DVOn0_nIB_5yNZG4T3LrI4yB4fpF7zZqRT4s/s1600/sunset.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvX39L1Vy6U_01ZJvTqJWxxzGFjsrZ_kvnvBliH9Rr50_2ojDCiY2kU9APZG4l_ayOoxlcFPsmnjz_GxXoAFZYUWH5nugfMiOBQITnX6O6DVOn0_nIB_5yNZG4T3LrI4yB4fpF7zZqRT4s/s1600/sunset.jpg" /></a><i><b>With God anything is possible!!</b></i><br />
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Perhaps one of the hardest things for me to accept is not just that God made me like this for a reason, but that <i><b>Everything he makes is perfect and beautiful! </b></i>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-51019313975985215812012-05-22T13:55:00.002-04:002012-05-22T13:56:08.793-04:00Dirty floors!<i>Lily looks up at me "Mommy, the floor is dirty!" (I was proud and concerned at the same time)</i><br />
<br />
<i>"Yes lily, it is dirty, it needs to get swept!"</i><br />
<br />
<i>"Mommy gonna do it?"</i><br />
<br />
<i>"No Mommy can't do it, I can't sweep when my foot hurts like this."</i><br />
<br />
<i>"Yes you can!, I help"</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>She ran in the kitchen and came back with the broom and dust pan. " I'll do this mommy," she gave me the broom and she held the dust pan to the floor." The look on her face was awesome, I could tell she really wanted to help, and this was important to her.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"I don't know honey, I can only use one leg, this is going to be hard." I was really thinking, my foot hurt so bad I just wanted to sit and not risk bumping it again. But I also didn't want to disappoint my determined little girl.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>"You can mommy, be careful." her little eyes shown with great concern as I started the task at hand.</i><br />
<br />
We did what we could, certainly not a spick and span, but at least the piles of dirt were gone. (left from my husband's boots this morning)<br />
<br />
I was almost in tears when we were done. Not because of the pain, but because of the kindness my almost three year old was showing, and how much she is growing up. I have seen her in a new light these past couple of days.<br />
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My heavenly father has the same desire to help me with my tasks at hand. I have to step out in faith, no matter how much it hurts. He wants to see me succeed, help me sweep up the mess I make of my life sometimes. He doesn't expect me to do the hard things by myself, he's right there beside me, cheering me on, holding me up and watching out for my best interests. <br />
He carries me, when I don't think I can do it anymore!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-53782211047833781562012-05-22T08:48:00.001-04:002012-05-22T08:50:30.108-04:00A tale of a purple foot!I'm sitting in a place that I do not want to be in, I'm sitting next to the man I love beyond words, I'm sitting across from these people who, if I was a judgmental person, I would be afraid of. I am feeling this incredible physical pain, I can hardly breathe. I'm thinking, "Its broken, for sure, I'm going to be in a cast for 6 weeks, my summer is ruined, how am I ever going to care for my girls, why this now?".<br />
<br />
An hour goes by, and the nurse calls us in, she takes one look at it and says "Whoa, that looks like it hurts!" When she touched it, I wanted to smack her. The look on her face said it all, (I'm a mind reader, of course) I knew she was thinking it was broken for sure.<br />
<br />
She took me to my room, Jeremy fell asleep and I just festered, and fretted, and got myself so worked up. I was believing my story, I was planning my funeral in my head (no quite, but you get the idea), my summer was over. My plans were ruined, I was going to loose my leg and be on crutches for the rest of my life.<br />
<br />
I'm not even kidding this stuff was going through my head. My constant prayer was<b> </b>"Lord, I just want to keep my foot."<br />
<br />
Just to clarify, I wasn't in danger of loosing my foot. It was three times the size it should be and it looked like I had spilled grape juice all over it. My husband, and I were putting kayaks away, after a fun afternoon with friends and our girls, and he proceeded to drop one of them on my foot. Hence, the over reaction and imaginative thinking.<br />
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<b>In a nut shell I was feeling sorry for myself. Be careful what you pray for though, I've heard people say this, and I believed it and lived through it, but I don't think about this stuff until after the fact. </b><br />
<br />
Two hours later the doctor came in, "nothings broken, Yah!"<br />
<br />
What! I wasn't loosing my foot? I wasn't going to be in a cast for 6 weeks? Then get it off only to find out it didn't heal right and then have it on for another 8 weeks? I wasn't going to die of boredom and gain 100 pounds sitting on my butt?<br />
<br />
I did say one good thing since all this happened, "Praise the Lord!" I said, getting a nod from the doctor.<br />
<br />
"It will be real sore for awhile yet, I'd stay off it completely for a few days, use the crutches until it feels good enough to put pressure on it. I imagine in a week you'll start to feel more comfortable."<br />
<br />
I kid you not I think the smile on my face was so big my cheeks were going to burst. I was so excited I wanted to jump for joy (on one foot of course). I can handle one week. <br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>Bible says, don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough of it's own worries. </i><br />
<br />
I was so concerned about what I was going to do with my broken foot, I never took any pain killers for my bruised foot. God is constantly reminding me to live for the moment. It's not bad to plan ahead, but I can't loose site of what is right in front of me. Here and now, "take it one step at a time", My husband always says.<br />
"...We are a vapor, you are eternal..."<br />
Words to a song that is on my mind a lot. We are a vapor in the span of time, our children are young and impressionable for only a fraction of a vapor. What matters is this day, this hour and this moment right now!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-79428796484618562682012-05-15T10:35:00.002-04:002012-05-15T15:09:55.514-04:00A beautiful singer"Building up the temple," that was her choice song today. I truly enjoy her when she is a good, cute, respectful child (I know its hard to believe, but she is not always like that.) She was sitting on the couch singing to her dolly. I loved the sound, and the picture so much I think I was staring at her. (good thing she didn't notice, she defiantly would have stopped.)<br />
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<i>"Building up the temple, building up the temple, building up the temple of the Lord." ("Lord" was drawn out and sang with a certain southern drawl, really not sure where she got that from)</i><br />
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The picture was certainly one any mother would be happy to witness. Here was my beautiful child singing a song about building up the Lord's temple.<br />
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<b>Isn't she the Lord's temple? Didn't Christ say "let all the little children come to me?" Did he not love the children and treat them like they were the greatest gift in all his creation? </b><br />
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Am I building up his temple? Can I honestly say that this temple God has given me, is well cared for? Are my words always building her up? Are my though,ts always pure and undefiled when it comes to this precious temple God has created?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHjHWBFhyphenhyphenWt-jEN-7vOub456uBS1SsF2TeCLjJoQ-OtKGygKtmVgbbRl1-H4wpdQoG0XA9AF56S6C68Ct9hC6b8vzS_hZ0k8ECR3SvskdK3FAGm418MzX8AOHt2_2DwIf-5xQkXf5I08m-/s1600/Parenting+drawing.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHjHWBFhyphenhyphenWt-jEN-7vOub456uBS1SsF2TeCLjJoQ-OtKGygKtmVgbbRl1-H4wpdQoG0XA9AF56S6C68Ct9hC6b8vzS_hZ0k8ECR3SvskdK3FAGm418MzX8AOHt2_2DwIf-5xQkXf5I08m-/s400/Parenting+drawing.png" width="400" /></a>There is another song that the kids listen to that talks about them being his masterpiece, he created them, and he has plans for them to do great big things. I need to remember that they will go on to do great big things, and they will take with them this childhood, always. My job is to make their childhood a good one, while still teaching them the tools they need to be what god would have them to be. Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs, but I think it is one of the most rewarding one's too.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-38029433270214454392012-05-09T10:22:00.001-04:002012-05-15T15:12:29.685-04:00God's Day!!!Bear with me as It's been awhile since I wrote. I just got my computer back and am trying to collect all my thoughts together for my blogs.<br />
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Another beautiful day, it was a shame we had to spend part of it in town instead of at home outside. However, this was the only day this week we could be out. I have to say, I was a grump. The morning had just not been what I wanted it to be, we were late getting up, late getting ready. Now we were in town later than I wanted to be, on this beautiful day. Needless to say, I was in a rush, I wanted to get home and enjoy <b><u>MY</u></b> day.<br />
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Here I was rushing around from store to store hushing my kids, and fuming that I couldn't be home enjoying this day.<br />
We were coming out of our last stop and lily froze, looked up at the sky, and said,<br />
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<i>"Mommy, its a nice day out today,"</i><br />
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<i>"Yes lily, its is a very nice day out, don't you want to go home now, and enjoy it?"</i><br />
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<i>"No, I can like it right here." She gave me a big smile and stared up at the blue sky.</i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglkrlnDVkVZ19PuS4Z2HTHNHtGSr7O_b4eYL6KwqK-BUNSQzVUdJVVc18pXs9pOeCkRrnh6qRhZ1LmNq3HJxs6FjeLdLrF5sIUIdBssDWjm4qAeEkLLmrqMmU1xIAunPKgM_tCmqzHcAkc/s1600/0509121102a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglkrlnDVkVZ19PuS4Z2HTHNHtGSr7O_b4eYL6KwqK-BUNSQzVUdJVVc18pXs9pOeCkRrnh6qRhZ1LmNq3HJxs6FjeLdLrF5sIUIdBssDWjm4qAeEkLLmrqMmU1xIAunPKgM_tCmqzHcAkc/s200/0509121102a.jpg" width="200" /></a>I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I bent down and squeezed my little girl, who, once again reminded me of <b>just one reason why she was entrusted to me.</b><br />
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So many times I have my own agenda, and ideas. I forget that<b> God gives us our day</b>, it is up to us, what we do with it. This was the only day we could run errons, so there was no way around it, but at the very least I could have enjoyed the time I had with just my girls. Instead I was a grump because things were not my ideal.<br />
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We can't change our situations, or trials and frustrations that are put right in front of us, but we can change our attitude about them. God has given you this day...<br />
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What are you going to do with it? <br />
What is your attitude about this moment?<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-63001830076804155462012-04-25T14:31:00.003-04:002012-05-15T15:12:38.193-04:00Twenty twenty visionI was searching through one of my many cook books and came across a wonderful, meaningful quote, I would like to share<br />
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<i><b>"If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it. He'll either lighten your load or strengthen your back!"</b></i><br />
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This was such an encouragement to me. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. That is certainly not to say that life, or it's challenges will be easy.<br />
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There are things in this life that we can't explain and defiantly can't control. But <b>we can look at the hardships of this life as an opportunity to rise above our own expectations for ourselves</b>. God will give us the strength and he will put people in our paths to strengthen and encourage us in our walk through this life. <br />
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Many times the only way past our trials is to go right through them. Jesus will carry us when we can't go on. I find myself thinking, more often than not, my prayer should be; not to take this trial from me, but give me the strength to get to the other side.<br />
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<i>Hide sight is twenty twenty they say. Look forward and keep pressing on, even if it is only moment to moment! </i>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-62566962674182152632012-04-24T15:09:00.000-04:002012-05-15T15:12:50.330-04:00Stay stillShe is just wiggling and squirming. She smells so horrible and I desperately need to change her.<br />
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<i>I lay her down on the table, she is standing before I can grab a new diaper. </i><br />
<i>I swat her and lay her down again</i><br />
<i>"Breia, you have to stay still, your diaper is yucky,"</i><br />
<i>I grab a diaper, and she is on her knees.</i><br />
<i>I swat her and lay her down</i><br />
<i>"Breia, I need to change your diaper,"</i><br />
<i>I manage to get her pants off. I reach to open the wipe container, she is rolled over on the table</i><br />
<i>I swat her and lay her down</i><br />
<i>"Breia, stay still I need to change your diaper,"</i><br />
<i>Everything is ready, and take her diaper off, as Im trying to clean her, she is desperately trying to rip her legs away from my grip. Now she's upset because my grip got tighter. (I was not going have more of a mess to clean up)</i><br />
<i>I finish cleaning her up and she is on her feet before I can grab her (bare behind, mind you, laughing all the way)</i><br />
<i>So I gave her a swift swat to her bare behind</i><br />
<i>"Breia, mommy needs to get you dressed, lay still."</i><br />
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With much effort I manage to get her dressed, and set her down to play, only to have her now attached to my leg. She was clearly<b> making a choice</b> to fight me all the way through that diaper change. The whole ordeal lasted twenty minutes. We were both greatly exhausted, and my nerves were about shot.<br />
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Now, don't I wrestle with God, as Breia wrestles with me?<br />
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The bible says, <i>we are the clay and he is the potter</i>! How is he ever to mold, and make us who he wants us to be if we don't let him? <br />
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Now, Breia didn't have a choice. I was going to change her diaper, at some point, no matter how much she fought me. In many ways that's true with us and God. The events of this life are going to happen, weather we like it or not.<b> It is up to us weather or not we are going to let God use us as a productive tool in his work.</b> It is up to us to stay still, while God breaks us down and molds us into the people he wants us to be.<br />
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<i><b>Will you sit still?</b></i><br />
<i><b>Will you let God Mold you?</b></i>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-33149608130610270162012-04-20T15:04:00.000-04:002012-05-15T15:13:01.866-04:00The choice!I knew it was going to be a struggle. I knew the conversation was going to go where I didn't want it to go. No matter how hard I tried to control it, those who I cared about so much, were ripping open my not so healed wounds. <b>I had a choice</b>, I could wallow in my own self pity and have myself a horrible time; or I could put a smile on and pray though the evening, being careful not to let my face show the deep pain I was feeling.<br />
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Thankfully I chose the latter. With great difficulty, I prayed for guidance through this night that was suppose to be a fun night out. I believe I had the best time I could.<br />
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When the conversation turns to a painful topic, I can't help but feel my wounds being cut open yet again. I am happy, I am happy for them. I want to share in their joy. All I feel is pain, I just want it to go away, I just want these feelings to disappear.<br />
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I came home and fell on the couch in a heap. It was late, but I didn't care. No matter what time I go to bed, I still don't want to get up these days. The evening played back in my head, it was fun, I really did enjoy myself. So why don't I feel good now?<br />
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<i>"...heavenly father, shower over me, wash this heart of sorrow, clean my wounds once again..."</i><br />
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He came, he loved on me. He gave me the peace I so longed for.<b> I fell asleep feeling my fathers arms wrapped around me so tightly I couldn't think of anything else.</b><br />
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There is no greater feeling!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-24274567301737946972012-04-19T15:13:00.003-04:002012-05-15T15:13:19.999-04:00LoveAs I'm lying in bed, I'm thinking... "time to start my day, time to get up before the girls..."<br />
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I feel I've been going through a valley recently, so something simple as getting out of bed is really hard. My thoughts wander and my quiet time is diminishing. It's amazing to me how difficult and crippling some situations can be. Some things just consume my thoughts and its a constant struggle to keep my head clear of those awful things. <br />
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Praising the one who gave me what I have, keeps me going.<br />
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<i>Psalm 63 tells us,</i><br />
<i>"... Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips, my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me...."</i><br />
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<b>God's love is better than life.</b> That is so comforting to me. Sometimes life throws us some serious curve balls, but his love is better than all that. His love is deeper than my lowest valley. His love is stronger than my will to get out of bed. His love is longer than this road I travel. His love is more powerful than my deepest woes.<br />
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<i><b>"... I sing for joy at the work of your hands..."</b></i>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-34926567743713147462012-04-12T15:12:00.000-04:002012-05-15T15:14:06.371-04:00Finding significance Part 2Once again I find myself wondering, what it is God has for me? What is my purpose? Where can I find my significance?<br />
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I wake up grumpy thinking, what is it today? What are they going to fight over? Am I going to get any of my house work done? Am I going to have any time for myself?<br />
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I start my morning ritual. Skipping my quiet time, because I just don't have time. I have three children coming today, I need a jump start on my house work. Girls wake up, the usual. Some days just feel so mundane and so boring.<i> Honestly, I dread getting out of bed some days simply because I fail to realize the significance of doing just that.</i> My motivation is simply not there. <b>I feel blinded to the importance of my existence</b>. I greet mothers with a smile, wondering what the day ahead will bring. I start my chores, grumbling, wishing someone would wait on me for once.<br />
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I sat on the couch to change a diaper and I knew my attitude had to change. I need a pick me up. There has to be some significance in my day. This day has to mean something. I started to think of who I am to those in this house with me.<br />
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<i>I play miss fix it, I'm a referee, a cook, a cleaning service, a diaper changer, a kisser of boo boos, a disciplinarian, a secretary. I'm a teacher, a principle, an exterminator of the scary ants. A listener, a story reader, a giver of hugs. A mother, a friend, an aunt, a role model. I provide a laundry service, a cooking school, and a warm bed to sleep in. </i><br />
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I'm really not sure if I could find a better purpose than that!<br />
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Suddenly I had a new zest for the day. It didn't matter if I received thank yous or I love yous. I found comfort in knowing that this day, this moment, I was the only person in this world that was providing these services to these children. At this moment in time, I was the only adult they had contact with. If that wasn't enough for me, I was simply too selfish and smug to <b>deserve </b>the attention of these beautiful children.<br />
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I take comfort and purpose out of the fact that God gave me this time, this day, with these children. How was I going to live it? How was I going to make it count?<br />
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My significance today can be found in a lunch table full of children, laughing and filling their bellies.<br />
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Where was your significance found today?</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-22165178866255635752012-04-09T10:36:00.000-04:002012-05-15T15:14:28.960-04:00A tug on my fraile heart!I had so much to say.... so much to vent..... but everything I was saying was being taken the wrong way. I was being misunderstood no matter what I said.<br />
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They think they know me, they claim to know how I feel. They don't understand this burden embedded deep inside me. This over whelming desire to protect, this deep love, even I don't understand. I've prayed for it to be taken away from me. I don't want to go against these people that I love so much, I want to be on common ground. I want to get what they get, and agree with what they do.<br />
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But I don't. Period. The harder I pray for it to go away, the stonger I feel .<br />
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I have come to terms with it to some degree. God has given me these feelings for a reason. I am to disagree with people I love, respect and look up to. Its all for a reason. I am unable to share what I feel because of rejection. I am unable to disagree with them out loud because if I do, I am wrong. I'm ridiculed and criticized. My character and motive is questioned. I see these people in a new light, not one that I wish would stick around for too long.<br />
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The tears come, and all my fears are revealed. I am to let it go, I am to be silent. My feelings do not matter, my input is not wanted, is not welcomed. I am cast away without a care, and yet I am to let it go. I am not permitted to be insulted. I'm seen as young and unwise, unworthy of a listening ear.<br />
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How do I make them understand?<br />
How can they ask me to keep this to myself?<br />
How is it they do not see?<br />
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It's all for a reason. My feelings and my opinion are just, pure and understandable. However, I am to be silent. Lord help me to be silent.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-74369736221354657892012-04-06T08:14:00.004-04:002012-05-15T15:14:45.124-04:00Love beyond my wildest dreamsWith Good Friday on my mind, all I can think about is Love.<br />
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<b> Do I really know what love means? Do I have the right to say that I love?</b><br />
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<i>It's said often, "Christ died for us, because he loves us!"</i><br />
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That is so hard for me to comprehend. He came to this life, knowing it was going to be hard. He knew he would be tempted, he knew he would face angry, bitter people. He knew his friend would betray him. He knew he was not going to be accepted. He knew he was going to be found guilty for a crime he didn't commit. He knew he was going to be beaten and mocked. He knew he was going to be nailed to a cross. He knew how painful his death was going to be.<br />
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He still came, he faced his temptation with victory. He loved those angry bitter people. He still made Judas his friend. He was kind to those who did not accept him. He said nothing in defense when they accused him. He said not a word of malice when they beat him, and mocked him. He did not fight them when they put nails through his hands and feet. He was thinking of me when he was on that cross, in terrible pain.<br />
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Now that's love. I may not be able to comprehend it, but I will accept it. Jesus died for me, so that I could spend eternity in heaven with him...... <i><b> </b></i><br />
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<i><b>He love me!</b></i><br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-680584954723737437.post-19668006184531864402012-04-06T07:51:00.000-04:002012-05-15T15:15:00.119-04:00Daddy, Daddy!!Hearing my daughter call "daddy.... daddy.....Hey..... daddy."<br />
She has so many questions, so many little tidbits and comments. He is so patient with her, answering her questions, includes her, talks to her, affirms her.<br />
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Typical two year old, we have the why's, the whats? and defiantly the No!'s. She asks the same questions over and over again after we've already answered her.<br />
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Now, I am naturally an impatient person. If I have to tell her more than once, my insides get all knotted up.<br />
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I am so grateful my heavenly father is not like me. He is patient. He sits and waits for me to come to him. It doesn't matter how many times I ask him, he answers. It doesn't matter how long it takes me to get it, if I seek him, he will be patient. He affirms me, and talks sweet to me. All he asks for in return, is faith in him and the willingness to follow after him.<br />
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<i><b>"Cast all your cares upon me......."</b></i><br />
<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04518855676578873249noreply@blogger.com