"I am who I am for a reason."
I tell myself this many times. With great difficulty, I think on this when I get upset with myself. I believe,with great sincerity, that it is extremely important for us to grow in our knowledge. Knowledge, not just of God's word and what he desires for us, but also in ourselves. I need to understand myself and how I tick.
What makes me upset?
What makes me laugh?
What things make me happy?
Why do I get so irritated?
and so on....
By doing this I am able to predict my own reactions to certain situations, and therefor prepare myself. I have found this extremely helpful, I find myself laughing at a situation instead of crying. I find myself more patient with my children when they do something wrong. I find myself being more positive about my current state.
There is a draw back though. Something I have to be careful with when I claim this statement. I can not use it as an excuse. I need to continue to grow from what I am going through. I can not settle, God has so much more for me. I can't justify my actions by claiming this statement.
It's true that God has made us a certain way for a reason. We have certain feelings, we are like no one else. We think differently than anyone else. We are so very unique, and we can not copy cat others. We are who God created us to be. Accepting that is hard, but so freeing all in the same thought.
I admit I am a complete head case at times, I would rather lash out than talk calmly. However, I have come to realize that lashing out is not good for my relationships. I still have that burning desire to lash out and it, most of the time, is for a good reason. But instead of lashing out, I can talk calmly, get a better reaction from others, and protect those around me.
God has instilled in me a great passion, a fire that can be harnessed and used for good instead evil. The devil knows I have this passion, and he wants me to fail. He wants me to lash out and tarnish, scar and ultimately ruin my relationships with those around me. It is a daily, moment to moment struggle at times.
With God anything is possible!!
Perhaps one of the hardest things for me to accept is not just that God made me like this for a reason, but that Everything he makes is perfect and beautiful!