I've been reminiscing this past week, I'm not entirely sure why, but it is not without its excitements.
Six months after we were married we went on a mission trip with our youth group. We spent ten days in Costa Rica. Now this was a trip that had been planned for a good year before we went, so we knew when we were planning our wedding that we were going to be going on this trip.
WELL... if you have read my last post you would know that I was a very needy newly wed. So going on this trip was a big stretch for me in more ways than one. We were separated for ten days, freshly married, not to mention all our friends (who were not married) were with us. So it was like we were dating again. (something I never wanted to go back to... if you get my drift)
Anyway while we were on our trip I learned a great deal of lessons. One of which was brought back to mind in the recent months. We were in training for street ministry the first few days we were there. One of our assignments was to draw a picture of what you would like to be doing in five years, and explain it. The project was to teach us that God does care about what our future holds. After we drew our pictures we were to give them to God, in whatever way we felt necessary. Let God have our future. Let God care about all the details that are in between. Give up our desires for his desires, and let God change that picture in whatever way he wants. I can honestly say I gave that "picture" to him that day. Telling him to do with my life what he will. Giving him my future. I felt a freeing after, but soon after that came an all too familiar fear of what was to come.
Well, my daughter loves to draw and I let her draw in my old note pads that I keep around. I enjoy looking back at them, and seeing her scribbles over top of mine reminds me of God's little blessings (more of that to come). She was showing me her picture when I noticed, under her masterpiece was one of my own.
It was a picture (stick figures of course) of a husband and wife in front of a house, with two children standing beside them and a dog. Under that picture was my writing and it said "In five years I picture Jeremy and I owning our own home, having two children, and a dog. I also see myself doing something with children, whether its my own or other people's children. I want a house full of kids, mine, or not, makes no difference"
Well, I sat back and smiled. We were coming up on our five year reunion, with the group that went to Costa Rica, God's awesome timing I'd say. So I sat down and started thinking... again I had to laugh.
That particular day I had a full house. Two children of my own, and three other kids I was watching. So it had been five years, Jeremy and I had been living in our own house for almost two, we had two beautiful children, and I was babysitting.
I gave that picture to God that day and the only thing he took out of it was the dog (no complaints here). Its amazing how many times I've given God what I think is mine to give, and he just showers it, ever so graciously, back on me. Its a reminder of how what I have is not my own, its all his, I'm just the steward of it.
I said a prayer of thanks, to the one who gave me this future that I longed for five years ago, and went on with my day. Until now did I really get it, (I think) God was and is, reminding me yet again that I am in his hands and he cares about what matters to me.
He wants to give us the desires of our hearts, we just have to be willing to see the picture in a different light. My picture didn't change that time, but that doesn't mean that another picture won't be completely different.
I need to let him be the artist, drawing out the details of what he has in store for me.