I like to play this game with myself and my husband every now and then.
Remember when we would stay up all night talking?
Remember when we would do anything just to see each other?
Remember when we dreamed about each other?
Remember when money wasn't an issue when going out to eat?
Remember dreaming about how wonderful it would be to be married?
I remember someone telling me when I was first married "Oh your just in the honeymoon stage, that will all wear off "
That is so wrong to tell someone, I believe we have grown together. Certainly we have matured (???). Sure our love is different, but I have the same feelings I had back then, in fact they are stronger now.
I remember a time when we were first married thinking that I was going to be able to change him. (only a little) He has never been a very affectionate man, and my love language is touch and feel. We grew up in very different homes when it came to affection. Anyway, I was determined that he was going to change because we were married now and I "deserved" all the affection he could give me.
Well, looking back I'm ashamed but it's all garbage now. (Don't touch that garbage) I would nag him and get truly upset with him. I was miserable in our marriage and drove him away because of my constant bickering and harsh words. I was demanding of him to the point where I think he would just give up. Nothing was good enough, I couldn't get enough of him no matter how hard he tried.
He wasn't home when he said so
He didn't show me any affection when he got home
He pulled away too fast when I hugged him
It's funny I thought it was him who needed to change, and I ran him dry all the time because of it. The reality was I just needed to accept him and love him for who he was. Period.
I still need the same affection that I always have. I don't think that will ever change. However what has changed is my attitude.
I asked God to help, and we all know when we actually let God help... He will.
He didn't, however, help in the way I thought he would. I never dreamed it was me in the wrong. I started letting God change my thought process, my words and the way I speak to him, my heart and love toward him.
I've noticed a change, but I'm not sure it's him. I don't know if he's more affectionate, or I'm just more patient and understanding of him, and the way God created him. Either way it is one of those lessons I've been learning the hard way.
God showed me my anger problem toward my husband, and how much it was effecting him. I had to, however, ask and be willing to let God do whatever he was going to do.
"Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools." Ecclesiastes 7:9
I feel it was, and is a long process, but then again so is everything worth fighting for, and my marriage was worth it. Let God work in a troublesome area in your life! I know he wants to mold you, you just have to let him.