Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I will run to you (once again)

Once again my thoughts are shifting toward those topics that we just don't discuss. There are feelings and emotions that are so raw no amount of words can help heal. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to get past the grief. No matter how much time I have, it will always slap me in the face. Just when I think I have it together, those are the moments my face hurts from the slap I wasn't expecting. In those moments when I'm still trying to grasp onto what just happened, I know, somewhere deep inside there is healing taking place. One day I pray my pain won't be so bad. I do pray, however that I never forget. I never want to forget these days, I never will forget these moments that I needed to be carried. Like this aching in my foot reminds me of how fragile my body is, I pray my heart will ache as a reminder of the lose I suffer everyday.

A very dear friend recently told me I am grieving. I wasn't really sure how to put my feelings into words. But she did, she knew what was embedded deep inside. She could identify with my emotions. She didn't tell me I need to get over it. She didn't tell me to be thankful for what I had. She didn't tell me that she knew what I was going through. She didn't try and out feel me. She didn't feed me that spiritual lingo so many others think is comforting. She didn't cliche my situation. I was a person with ligitament feelings and I deserved to be treated like I matter. She just listened and shed those tears for me that I can't seem to let come. She validated me and put her own trials aside to listen to my heart. She prayed with me. She knew I needed prayer more than anything. She knew that I knew all that she was going to tell me, so she didn't try to comfort me with words. She was my angel.

I heard a song today, seems I've been hearing alot of songs lately. Sometimes lyrics really speak to me This song by Kari Jobe really summed up my feelings today:

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us

There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You’re here, You’re real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You ’cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars

You steady my heart
You steady my heart

I’m not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand

 Each and every moment
What’s good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

You are here, You’re real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You ’cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars

You steady my heart
You steady my heart

And I will run to You
I’ll find refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart
You steady my heart

Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You ’cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars

You steady my heart
You steady my heart

I’m not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand

Who are you running to?

Monday, July 30, 2012

A not so peachy morning (for good reason)

What was supose to be a productive, yet uneventful day, has really turned out to be an eye opener and full of scary surprises.

  • First, surprise I actually rolled out if bed early this morning, ready to start by very busy day. I knew I had peaches, blueberries, zucchini, and beans all to do in this one day. I proceeded to clean up my kitchen from a very fun evening with a few friends. 

  • Second surprise, I could not find my regular mouth canning lids to do up my peaches. But that was ok cause I would just use my wide mouth jars,

  • Third surprise, I don't have wide mouth quarts, only pints. I already made the decision that I needed to do up my peaches in quarts this year. OK, well we will walk down to millers when the girls wake up and get those lids so we can start up.

  • Fourth surprise, Breia did not wake up until almost 10. They are still recovering from the week away on vacation. So we started down to millers, later than planned,(at least that was uneventful). On the way back we stopped and visited with neighbors.

  • Fifth surprise, Lily was in a really bad mood, she screamed and hollered the whole way home from our neighbors house. We got ourselves back in the house (kicking and screaming,mind you) hoping to get started on my peaches. 

  • Sixth surprise, I did not clean all the grease off our stove from last night. I put a dutch oven of water on the stove to boil so I could peel the peaches. I walked away for a minute and returned to FLAMES!!

I didn't realize all I did to save my kitchen until after I accessed the damage. I remember taking the kids outside first. Then I came back and took the water that was in the dutch oven and poured it over the flames. This did a good job of slowing down the fire, but it was still blazing. I ripped down the curtains that were already engulfed and stomped in them. I threw the paper towels that were on fire into the water that was all over the floor. then I proceeded to throw cups of water on the remaining flames. I do remember I didn't stop pouring water on it until it wasn't smoking anymore.

After I knew my kitchen was safe again I went outside and sat on the porch. All my emotions came at once. I was frustrated, scared and so very thankful. All this only took a few moments, my girls had hardly known I left them outside. We went and spent time with neighbors until the smoke cleared out of the house. .
I am so thankful for Gods protection in the whole situation. 
I am grateful I could trust my girls to stay outside where I put them to play
I am grateful I was trying to boil water, pouring that over really helped.
I am grateful for my reaction time, I can't imagine how much we could have lost
I am grateful for the wisdom God gave me in my time of need. 
I am so thankful for neighbors that are there when I need them
I am so thankful I didn't have those lids, if I had tried to start my peaches earlier (when I had planned) I would have had to wake the girls up and leave because the smoke was too thick I did not want to stay in the house. I wouldn't have had a place to go with two very grumpy girls that early in the morning.

Once again, God is showing me that he is in control. He knows what he is doing and he will reveal to me his plan when I am ready to accept it. His timing is perfect. If I give him the day that is ahead of me, he will guide me and protect me in the ways that I need to be protected. (not in the ways I think I need him). So many times I think I am just waiting for nothing. But God's promise is that he will be there. When I am waiting on him, he will honor that. He will take care of all my needs. I matter to him, I can trust that he will make me smile when I need it the most. 

I really did not know what I was doing when I did it, I only know from looking around after it was all over. Proof that my heavenly father was watching over me this day. Proof that God wanted to show me that if I will trust him, he will guide me. He was in my hands and feet, he was in the water that killed the fire, he was watching my children when I could not, he was in my head when I didn't know what to do.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

A resounding promise I must cling to!!

Carpel tunnel I knew, but now thumb tendonitis? My writing is coming to an abrupt halt. It has been a tremedous comfort to journal and blog about what God is teaching me. These past five months I've been working on my story, writing everything down, and was even considering taking up a writing course. I find writing keeps this life's journey in perspective.
Is this another "NO" from the Lord? Is this another "slow down, you can't keep going like this"?  Or is this just another obstacle put in front of me to over come?

My short story is finally making sense and I have to limit my writing. My daily devotions are flourishing, so why now? My healing is progressing, will I start sliding back down if I can't write as much? I feel closer to my creator when I'm writing so why is it being taken away from me? Is it really being taken away from me, or is this the enemy trying to discourage my progress?

I know God has a plan and I know everything will fall into its perfect place. And so I seek and search for the right words and the solution that will carry me through.

Jeremiah 29:10-14

"This is what the Lord says: " When seventy years are completed for Babylon I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek  me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Friday, July 20, 2012

Joyful choice!

I don't really feel like I come in contact with too many different people. Most of the time I see the same three people every day. When I do come in contact with certain individuals, it seems to really affect me. So this lady was about as miserable as can be. We were just not doing anything to please her and really weren't trying all too hard either because we knew it just didn't matter. She was yelling and just being nasty to us and I thought wow to live that miserable.

Ya know my natural tendency is to react, but when I see people that miserable it reminds me to think before I react. We only have this moment. We are not promised the next so I need to remember that there are certain things that just don't matter. My kids don't need to see me upset with things that don't matter. I don't want to leave that kind of impact on others, even on a smaller scale. Living this life being that miserable will only make others around us miserable and just ruin the joy in our everyday living. No way we were intended to have a bad attitude in general.

There are times when I feel that being miserable is justified. But my attitude is a choice and I will decide to delight in my savior. I want those around me to see the joy I have in Christ!

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Protect them, so all who love your name may be filled with joy Psalm 5:11

Monday, July 9, 2012

Nice, Neat Rows

I finally got a good look at my garden this year, I got down and dirty today weeding it out. As I was scanning the plants I had to smile at the odd plants coming up not in the rows where they were originally planted. See, right after I planted the garden my husband set up the sprinkler to water it (right on top of the hill where I planted my beets... needless to say I have almost no beets). Well... the sprinkler proceeded to topple over causing a stream of water to wash out my lettuce, beets and some carrots. So now I have lettuce in random spots in the garden and carrots are popping up in my beans, and in between the rows. Only a few beets survived and they are mixed in with my lettuce.

My first thought upon seeing it several weeks ago was,
"When my foot is better and I get to weeding, I'll just pluck them all up so it looks all nice and neat."

As I stood there and looked, I realized, that as funny as this garden looks, it is fully functional. A small part of it may be random and its really hard to walk around all the plants, but I will still get a good crop this year. My vegetable garden will thrive regardless of how it looks.

I had a thought... I don't really look all that great some days either. I may not have it all together, and I may not have all my "ducks in a row." If I'm willing, however, and my roots are solid, I can produce fruit no matter I messed up I may look on the outside.


I was so looking forward to getting away from the everyday. We rented a camper and for a whole week, we enjoyed the great outdoors. I thought "getting away" was going to solve my problem. Help ease the pain, that is so deep I wasn't even for sure I knew all that was there.

So, I made a camp fire (by far the best part of camping, even during the day). I remember as a teen I always did my best thinking by a campfire. I sat curled up with my bible, ready to hear what my father had to say. I did this all week and I came home feeling high. I thought that was just what I needed, a week to get away.

NO! What I needed was to be completely open to God and his teaching. Getting away from my everyday wasn't what made my pain subside. Seeking Christ and is purpose for all my pain, that is what made me feel better.

Friday, June 29, 2012

A prisoner of sadness and pain

It's truly amazing to me how I can go most days living somewhat content with where God has me, and in a moments time all that seems like a distant memory. In a split second of time my mind is focused on all the pain and sadness. All in one instant I'm a selfish pile of slump, barely putting one foot in front of the other.

It is in these times I am so grateful for a God who cares. I am so thankful God has imbedded inside of me the desire to seek him in these hard times. I wish I had more faith and sought him immediately, but I suppose I'm a working progress in that respect.

I sat and prayed that what ever I read I could find some kind of comfort.

"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God,
who has saved us and called us to a holy life- not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,
but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.
And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher.
That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."
2 Timothy 1: 8-12

So what is it that I have entrusted to him?

Forgive me Lord, for I have not entrusted my entire being to you this day. I let my sadness cloud my thoughts!

I don't know why I feel what I feel, I don't know why days have to be so hard. But I know God is bigger, and I don't have to rise above the pile of slump all by myself. I have a God I can trust in. A God who sees my pain and feels it before I do.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

How big are we really?

Jeremy and I enjoy watching this station that has alot of shows on history and creation (non biblical) and there was a show that had NASA scientists on talking about recent discoveries.These NASA Scientists are discovering new things about our galaxy, and even that there are many new Galaxys they don't even know exist.

On this show they were talking about Dark Matter. At first it creeped me out, sounded like they were talking about something evil. The reality was they didn't seem to know what it was themselves, they just had to give it a name. Basically this matter makes up 70% of our galaxy and they don't know what it is.

We also get this creation magazine and it has so many awesome stories in it. Scientists focused the Hubble telescope on one part of the sky that was dark, and let it focus for several days. After the time was up, they discovered that in that small spot there were ten thousand new Galaxys.

Also, scientists were researching the size of the galaxy and they had a theory saying that with the big bang happening, at some point the galaxy should be closing in on itself. However, that theory got blown to bits when they discovered it is actually growing at an even more rapid rate than before.

Made me smile and I think it makes God smile when he sees us trying to figure out his creation and I think he loves to stump those people we think are the smartest on earth. I truly think God has given these men and women job security with his creation. 

I think it amazing  when I look at God's smallest creatures, but the Galaxys? Wow, I'm in awe when I think of how big God's creation is, and how much bigger his is than all that he created.

I think the key to being in a place where God can use me, is in realizing just how small I really am in comparison to his entire creation. He hand made everything our scientists are still discovering(and will always try to understand). Yet, he made me in his image, he made me for a special purpose, for a higher calling. How many times do I question? How many times do I demand to know?

I should know by now, that a God that can create all this, surely knows whats best for me. So I will trust, I will follow him, and to the best of my ability, I will live my life pleasing to him.

Even the lady bugs!

"Mommy, Mommy, come quick, look... look,"

I hobbled my way over to where Lily was pointing, frantically, at the ground.

"It is a biigg lady bug mommy,"

Indeed it was a big lady bug. I know a couple that use to live in a house that would get overrun by ladybugs every year. Needless to say I'm not a fan of them in large quantities. I have to say though, I don't think I've ever seen one this large, it was fascinating. We were all bent down watching it and lily stood up,

"Mommy, where it come from?"

"Well honey, God made lady bugs, just like he made everything else in nature,"

"And me mommy?"

"Yes, and you." My heart grew for her, she has been learning so much.

"What are they for mommy?"

"I don't know what lady bugs do lily, but everything God creates has a purpose, even if we don't know what that is."

I got up and sat on the steps and watched as the girls ohhed and ahhed over this creature so small, yet so important in their eyes. Breia kept pointing at it saying,

"That eiee, That?"

I love it when she asks her big sister questions, its so heart warming.

"That's a lady bug, Bee,"

Breia did her little cooing thing that she does when she gets her answer and Lily went on...

"God made all this..." she was waving all around her now

"Even the lady bugs, mommy says so bee."

"Even the lady bugs," Such a profound statement, God created everything, even the lady bugs. Leave it to my daughter to have me realizing once again how marvelous God is.

He created me for this world, he designed me with his own hands. I've had a lot of time recently to just sit and marvel at what God has created. Everything has a purpose and, it is just all so wonderful. Have you ever just sat and thought how the tiniest creatures have their purpose? He created them to do work. They were created knowing what to do and how to do it. I think of how this world functions, right down to the smallest detail. God did that. I think it's easy to think how wonderful God's creation is, and forget that I was created in his image. How much more beautiful and amazing am I? He took special care in creating me. Who am I to judge or dis credit his creation.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Taking the reins!

Funny how things seem to work out, I would like to think I have something to do with it, but I know its all God.

I had the opportunity to ride in the big rig with Jeremy for the first time in almost two years. The girls have been staying at my mother's on and off on account it is so hard for me to get around. I knew it would be difficult to ride in the rig, but I also knew I needed this time with my husband, we don't get the chance to be alone... ever.

Anyway, I rode around with him for several hours and we came across a few Amish Buggys in our travels around Lewis county. Well, Jeremy knew the horses could get spooked as we drove by them, so he slowed down and eased passed them, hoping it would keep them from bucking. He was right, I could tell from far off that she was nervous already, she must have heard us. She had blinders on so she couldn't see us until we were right next to her. As we eased by her, she kept trying to turn so she could keep her eye on us. I was amazed at how spooked she was, for a moment she had no trust in her master, no trust in her lead. All she could think about was this big scary looking thing that was passing her. I watched even after we were by her she was nervous. Almost like she couldn't shake us off, she couldn't stop think about how much we had scared her.

Monday, June 11, 2012

It's a long road!

"You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go"

Words to a song radiating through my radio. The same radio that hardly picks up any stations, and both the volume and the tuner knobs are ripped off (one of them is actually chewed off by my youngest).

You might say I had this tragic thing happen to me. I've had a bum foot for three weeks now, and was told by the doctor I have a long road ahead of me. Even more tragic than that, I let myself get depressed about my situation. I was feeling so tired...

Tired of the crutches...
Tired of the pain...
Tired physically, getting no sleep at night...
Tired of looking at my dirty house...
Tired of feeling helpless...
Tired of feeling like a burden to my husband...
Tired of sending my children away...

I let the enemy come into my heart and tell me all these lies

"Your helpless,"
"You're a burden to everyone around you,"
"Your husband does not want to help you,"
"You have no one,"
"Your foot is always going to hurt,"

All lies straight from the pit. This was another test that I had failed. Was I going to give it all to him? Was I ready to let go of the plans I had for this summer?

I had dreams of what our summer would be and none of them consisted of me being laid up on the couch. I failed to let God be the ThE TrUe ARtisT of my summer.

So here I sit so wrapped up in this song that is telling me to Just Let Go.

Listen to those things around you, God is in it all, and he wants to speak to us, after all Father knows best!

I think it's time to listen to my own words. I've stopped writing recently, and I feel like I'm loosing a part of me. God has given me a new zest, bear with me as I put the pieces back together.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The reason

There is that saying...

"The grass is always greener on the other side"

Seems I am always wanting what is just out of reach. I've witnessed that with my girls as well. Lately, they want to go outside, but when they are outside, they want to be in. That is a simple example, but you get the picture. We are so quick to look at what others have and want it. What we don't realize sometimes is that by wanting whatever they have, we are degrading what we already possess.

When I first got married I wanted a husband that was willing to help in the kitchen. Well, he was more than willing. He wanted to cook and bake, and stick his nose in every time something was on the menu. It didn't take long for me to get annoyed and just want a husband that ate my food instead of analyzed it. What I didn't realize, was that I was killing his desire to help. He no longer wanted any part of being in my kitchen, not because he didn't want to,  he felt unwanted and unappreciated.

It's hard to see a situation for what it is when we are facing it head on. Looking back, it is easy to say I would change the way I approached him, but at the time I just wanted things to go my way. However, when they did go my way, it wasn't enough.

God puts things in front of us for a reason. He gives us what we have for a purpose. Its not always easy to accept what God has in store for us. I have learned the art of taking one moment at a time. I have not perfected it, but it is a working progress. I find it's best to look at each moment for what it is, take a breath and keep going.

I keep thinking, "if only I could get this done, I would be satisfied," but I need to recognize that for what it is, a Lie!

Only Christ can satisfy me

 I can only do so much before I burn out.

I can only walk so much before I have this throbbing pain in my foot

...and there is a reason, I shouldn't wish for things to be different, because I would miss out on what God has to teach me.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Perfect and Beautiful

"I am who I am for a reason."

I tell myself this many times. With great difficulty, I think on this when I get upset with myself. I believe,with great sincerity, that it is extremely important for us to grow in our knowledge. Knowledge, not just of God's word and what he desires for us, but also in ourselves. I need to understand myself and how I tick.

What makes me upset?
What makes me laugh?
What things make me happy?
Why do I get so irritated?

and so on....

By doing this I am able to predict my own reactions to certain situations, and therefor prepare myself. I have found this extremely helpful, I find myself laughing at a situation instead of crying. I find myself more patient with my children when they do something wrong. I find myself being more positive about my current state.

There is a draw back though. Something I have to be careful with when I claim this statement. I can not use it as an excuse. I need to continue to grow from what I am going through. I can not settle, God has so much more for me. I can't justify my actions by claiming this statement.

It's true that God has made us a certain way for a reason. We have certain feelings, we are like no one else. We think differently than anyone else. We are so very unique, and we can not copy cat others. We are who God created us to be. Accepting that is hard, but so freeing all in the same thought.

I admit I am a complete head case at times, I would rather lash out than talk calmly. However, I have come to realize that lashing out is not good for my relationships. I still have that burning desire to lash out and it, most of the time, is for a good reason. But instead of lashing out, I can talk calmly, get a better reaction from others, and protect those around me.

God has instilled in me a great passion, a fire that can be harnessed and used for good instead evil. The devil knows I have this passion, and he wants me to fail. He wants me to lash out and tarnish, scar and ultimately ruin my relationships with those around me. It is a daily, moment to moment struggle at times.

With God anything is possible!!

Perhaps one of the hardest things for me to accept is not just that God made me like this for a reason, but that Everything he makes is perfect and beautiful!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Dirty floors!

Lily looks up at me "Mommy, the floor is dirty!" (I was proud and concerned at the same time)

"Yes lily, it is dirty, it needs to get swept!"

"Mommy gonna do it?"

"No Mommy can't do it, I can't sweep when my foot hurts like this."

"Yes you can!, I help"

She ran in the kitchen and came back with the broom and dust pan. " I'll do this mommy," she gave me the broom and she held the dust pan to the floor." The look on her face was awesome, I could tell she really wanted to help, and this was important to her.

"I don't know honey, I can only use one leg, this is going to be hard." I was really thinking, my foot hurt so bad I just wanted to sit and not risk bumping it again. But I also didn't want to disappoint my determined little girl.

"You can mommy, be careful." her little eyes shown with great concern as I started the task at hand.

We did what we could, certainly not a spick and span, but at least the piles of dirt were gone. (left from my husband's boots this morning)

I was almost in tears when we were done. Not because of the pain, but because of the kindness my almost three year old was showing, and how much she is growing up. I have seen her in a new light these past couple of days.

My heavenly father has the same desire to help me with my tasks at hand. I have to step out in faith, no matter how much it hurts. He wants to see me succeed, help me sweep up the mess I make of my life sometimes. He doesn't expect me to do the hard things by myself, he's right there beside me, cheering me on, holding me up and watching out for my best interests.
He carries me, when I don't think I can do it anymore!

A tale of a purple foot!

I'm sitting in a place that I do not want to be in, I'm sitting next to the man I love beyond words, I'm sitting across from these people who, if I was a judgmental person, I would be afraid of. I am feeling this incredible physical pain, I can hardly breathe. I'm thinking, "Its broken, for sure, I'm going to be in a cast for 6 weeks, my summer is ruined, how am I ever going to care for my girls, why this now?".

An hour goes by, and the nurse calls us in, she takes one look at it and says "Whoa, that looks like it hurts!" When she touched it, I wanted to smack her. The look on her face said it all, (I'm a mind reader, of course) I knew she was thinking it was broken for sure.

She took me to my room, Jeremy fell asleep and I just festered, and fretted, and got myself so worked up. I was believing my story, I was planning my funeral in my head (no quite, but you get the idea), my summer was over. My plans were ruined, I was going to loose my leg and be on crutches for the rest of my life.

I'm not even kidding this stuff was going through my head. My constant prayer was "Lord, I just want to keep my foot."

Just to clarify, I wasn't in danger of loosing my foot. It was three times the size it should be and it looked like I had spilled grape juice all over it. My husband, and I were putting kayaks away, after a fun afternoon with friends and our girls, and he proceeded to drop one of them on my foot. Hence, the over reaction and imaginative thinking.

In a nut shell I was feeling sorry for myself. Be careful what you pray for though, I've heard people say this, and I believed it and lived through it, but I don't think about this stuff until after the fact. 

Two hours later the doctor came in, "nothings broken, Yah!"

What! I wasn't loosing my foot? I wasn't going to be in a cast for 6 weeks? Then get it off only to find out it didn't heal right and then have it on for another 8 weeks? I wasn't going to die of boredom and gain 100 pounds sitting on my butt?

I did say one good thing since all this happened, "Praise the Lord!" I said, getting a nod from the doctor.

"It will be real sore for awhile yet, I'd stay off it completely for a few days, use the crutches until it feels good enough to put pressure on it. I imagine in a week you'll start to feel more comfortable."

I kid you not I think the smile on my face was so big my cheeks were going to burst. I was so excited I wanted to jump for joy (on one foot of course). I can handle one week.

Bible says, don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough of it's own worries. 

I was so concerned about what I was going to do with my broken foot, I never took any pain killers for my bruised foot. God is constantly reminding me to live for the moment. It's not bad to plan ahead, but I can't loose site of what is right in front of me. Here and now, "take it one step at a time", My husband always says.
"...We are a vapor, you are eternal..."
Words to a song that is on my mind a lot. We are a vapor in the span of time, our children are young and impressionable for only a fraction of a vapor.  What matters is this day, this hour and this moment right now!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A beautiful singer

"Building up the temple," that was her choice song today. I truly enjoy her when she is a good, cute, respectful child (I know its hard to believe, but she is not always like that.) She was sitting on the couch singing to her dolly. I loved the sound, and the picture so much I think I was staring at her. (good thing she didn't notice, she defiantly would have stopped.)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

God's Day!!!

Bear with me as It's been awhile since I wrote. I just got my computer back and am trying to collect all my thoughts together for my blogs.

Another beautiful day, it was a shame we had to spend part of it in town instead of at home outside. However, this was the only day this week we could be out. I have to say, I was a grump. The morning had just not been what I wanted it to be, we were late getting up, late getting ready. Now we were in town later than I wanted to be, on this beautiful day. Needless to say, I was in a rush, I wanted to get home and enjoy MY day.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Twenty twenty vision

I was searching through one of my many cook books and came across a wonderful, meaningful quote, I would like to share

"If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it. He'll either lighten your load or strengthen your back!"

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Stay still

She is just wiggling and squirming. She smells so horrible and I desperately need to change her.

Friday, April 20, 2012

The choice!

I knew it was going to be a struggle. I knew the conversation was going to go where I didn't want it to go. No matter how hard I tried to control it, those who I cared about so much, were ripping open my not so healed wounds. I had a choice, I could wallow in my own self pity and have myself a horrible time; or I could put a smile on and pray though the evening, being careful not to let my face show the deep pain I was feeling.