Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The reason

There is that saying...

"The grass is always greener on the other side"

Seems I am always wanting what is just out of reach. I've witnessed that with my girls as well. Lately, they want to go outside, but when they are outside, they want to be in. That is a simple example, but you get the picture. We are so quick to look at what others have and want it. What we don't realize sometimes is that by wanting whatever they have, we are degrading what we already possess.

When I first got married I wanted a husband that was willing to help in the kitchen. Well, he was more than willing. He wanted to cook and bake, and stick his nose in every time something was on the menu. It didn't take long for me to get annoyed and just want a husband that ate my food instead of analyzed it. What I didn't realize, was that I was killing his desire to help. He no longer wanted any part of being in my kitchen, not because he didn't want to,  he felt unwanted and unappreciated.

It's hard to see a situation for what it is when we are facing it head on. Looking back, it is easy to say I would change the way I approached him, but at the time I just wanted things to go my way. However, when they did go my way, it wasn't enough.

God puts things in front of us for a reason. He gives us what we have for a purpose. Its not always easy to accept what God has in store for us. I have learned the art of taking one moment at a time. I have not perfected it, but it is a working progress. I find it's best to look at each moment for what it is, take a breath and keep going.

I keep thinking, "if only I could get this done, I would be satisfied," but I need to recognize that for what it is, a Lie!

Only Christ can satisfy me

 I can only do so much before I burn out.

I can only walk so much before I have this throbbing pain in my foot

...and there is a reason, I shouldn't wish for things to be different, because I would miss out on what God has to teach me.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Perfect and Beautiful

"I am who I am for a reason."

I tell myself this many times. With great difficulty, I think on this when I get upset with myself. I believe,with great sincerity, that it is extremely important for us to grow in our knowledge. Knowledge, not just of God's word and what he desires for us, but also in ourselves. I need to understand myself and how I tick.

What makes me upset?
What makes me laugh?
What things make me happy?
Why do I get so irritated?

and so on....

By doing this I am able to predict my own reactions to certain situations, and therefor prepare myself. I have found this extremely helpful, I find myself laughing at a situation instead of crying. I find myself more patient with my children when they do something wrong. I find myself being more positive about my current state.

There is a draw back though. Something I have to be careful with when I claim this statement. I can not use it as an excuse. I need to continue to grow from what I am going through. I can not settle, God has so much more for me. I can't justify my actions by claiming this statement.

It's true that God has made us a certain way for a reason. We have certain feelings, we are like no one else. We think differently than anyone else. We are so very unique, and we can not copy cat others. We are who God created us to be. Accepting that is hard, but so freeing all in the same thought.

I admit I am a complete head case at times, I would rather lash out than talk calmly. However, I have come to realize that lashing out is not good for my relationships. I still have that burning desire to lash out and it, most of the time, is for a good reason. But instead of lashing out, I can talk calmly, get a better reaction from others, and protect those around me.

God has instilled in me a great passion, a fire that can be harnessed and used for good instead evil. The devil knows I have this passion, and he wants me to fail. He wants me to lash out and tarnish, scar and ultimately ruin my relationships with those around me. It is a daily, moment to moment struggle at times.

With God anything is possible!!

Perhaps one of the hardest things for me to accept is not just that God made me like this for a reason, but that Everything he makes is perfect and beautiful!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Dirty floors!

Lily looks up at me "Mommy, the floor is dirty!" (I was proud and concerned at the same time)

"Yes lily, it is dirty, it needs to get swept!"

"Mommy gonna do it?"

"No Mommy can't do it, I can't sweep when my foot hurts like this."

"Yes you can!, I help"

She ran in the kitchen and came back with the broom and dust pan. " I'll do this mommy," she gave me the broom and she held the dust pan to the floor." The look on her face was awesome, I could tell she really wanted to help, and this was important to her.

"I don't know honey, I can only use one leg, this is going to be hard." I was really thinking, my foot hurt so bad I just wanted to sit and not risk bumping it again. But I also didn't want to disappoint my determined little girl.

"You can mommy, be careful." her little eyes shown with great concern as I started the task at hand.

We did what we could, certainly not a spick and span, but at least the piles of dirt were gone. (left from my husband's boots this morning)

I was almost in tears when we were done. Not because of the pain, but because of the kindness my almost three year old was showing, and how much she is growing up. I have seen her in a new light these past couple of days.

My heavenly father has the same desire to help me with my tasks at hand. I have to step out in faith, no matter how much it hurts. He wants to see me succeed, help me sweep up the mess I make of my life sometimes. He doesn't expect me to do the hard things by myself, he's right there beside me, cheering me on, holding me up and watching out for my best interests.
He carries me, when I don't think I can do it anymore!

A tale of a purple foot!

I'm sitting in a place that I do not want to be in, I'm sitting next to the man I love beyond words, I'm sitting across from these people who, if I was a judgmental person, I would be afraid of. I am feeling this incredible physical pain, I can hardly breathe. I'm thinking, "Its broken, for sure, I'm going to be in a cast for 6 weeks, my summer is ruined, how am I ever going to care for my girls, why this now?".

An hour goes by, and the nurse calls us in, she takes one look at it and says "Whoa, that looks like it hurts!" When she touched it, I wanted to smack her. The look on her face said it all, (I'm a mind reader, of course) I knew she was thinking it was broken for sure.

She took me to my room, Jeremy fell asleep and I just festered, and fretted, and got myself so worked up. I was believing my story, I was planning my funeral in my head (no quite, but you get the idea), my summer was over. My plans were ruined, I was going to loose my leg and be on crutches for the rest of my life.

I'm not even kidding this stuff was going through my head. My constant prayer was "Lord, I just want to keep my foot."

Just to clarify, I wasn't in danger of loosing my foot. It was three times the size it should be and it looked like I had spilled grape juice all over it. My husband, and I were putting kayaks away, after a fun afternoon with friends and our girls, and he proceeded to drop one of them on my foot. Hence, the over reaction and imaginative thinking.

In a nut shell I was feeling sorry for myself. Be careful what you pray for though, I've heard people say this, and I believed it and lived through it, but I don't think about this stuff until after the fact. 

Two hours later the doctor came in, "nothings broken, Yah!"

What! I wasn't loosing my foot? I wasn't going to be in a cast for 6 weeks? Then get it off only to find out it didn't heal right and then have it on for another 8 weeks? I wasn't going to die of boredom and gain 100 pounds sitting on my butt?

I did say one good thing since all this happened, "Praise the Lord!" I said, getting a nod from the doctor.

"It will be real sore for awhile yet, I'd stay off it completely for a few days, use the crutches until it feels good enough to put pressure on it. I imagine in a week you'll start to feel more comfortable."

I kid you not I think the smile on my face was so big my cheeks were going to burst. I was so excited I wanted to jump for joy (on one foot of course). I can handle one week.

Bible says, don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough of it's own worries. 

I was so concerned about what I was going to do with my broken foot, I never took any pain killers for my bruised foot. God is constantly reminding me to live for the moment. It's not bad to plan ahead, but I can't loose site of what is right in front of me. Here and now, "take it one step at a time", My husband always says.
"...We are a vapor, you are eternal..."
Words to a song that is on my mind a lot. We are a vapor in the span of time, our children are young and impressionable for only a fraction of a vapor.  What matters is this day, this hour and this moment right now!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A beautiful singer

"Building up the temple," that was her choice song today. I truly enjoy her when she is a good, cute, respectful child (I know its hard to believe, but she is not always like that.) She was sitting on the couch singing to her dolly. I loved the sound, and the picture so much I think I was staring at her. (good thing she didn't notice, she defiantly would have stopped.)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

God's Day!!!

Bear with me as It's been awhile since I wrote. I just got my computer back and am trying to collect all my thoughts together for my blogs.

Another beautiful day, it was a shame we had to spend part of it in town instead of at home outside. However, this was the only day this week we could be out. I have to say, I was a grump. The morning had just not been what I wanted it to be, we were late getting up, late getting ready. Now we were in town later than I wanted to be, on this beautiful day. Needless to say, I was in a rush, I wanted to get home and enjoy MY day.