I was enjoying the great outdoors with my two precious'. I had some varnishing to do, and I raked out the flower gardens and got a jump start on the lawn.
Anyway, I was watching my two little girls thinking about my dream of having so many more of them. My thoughts went back to my most recent mountain and I realized, if I was pregnant right now, I would not have the energy to enjoy this beautiful day. I would not be able to get a jump start on my outside work because more than likely I would be sick laying on the couch. My little one would not be squealing with joy as her older sister throws dirt at her!
God knows so much more than we can even begin to comprehend. He knew that I would be enjoying this day outside relishing in his creation. He knew that I needed yet another lesson to be taught to me.
So when my girls awake we will be embarking on yet another trip to the doctor. Same old thing, "Oh your young, it will happen to you again, at least your kids won't be that close, enjoy the two that you have" All words of wisdom from someone who, I believe, truly cares. However the hurt is still there and won't be forgotten all too soon. I can take comfort in knowing that my babies are in Jesus' arms where they are safe and well cared for. Until I see them, I will continue to live each day for the one who created me and gave me the beautiful family that I have to hold.
"O LORD, you have examined my heart, and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up.You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. You go before me and follow me.You place your hand of blessing on my head.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans,even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day.Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name. O LORD, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you? Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Psalm 139