Monday, April 9, 2012

A tug on my fraile heart!

I had so much to say.... so much to vent..... but everything I was saying was being taken the wrong way. I was being misunderstood no matter what I said.

They think they know me, they claim to know how I feel. They don't understand this burden embedded deep inside me. This over whelming desire to protect, this deep love, even I don't understand. I've prayed for it to be taken away from me. I don't want to go against these people that I love so much, I want to be on common ground. I want to get what they get, and agree with what they do.

But I don't. Period. The harder I pray for it to go away, the stonger I feel .

I have come to terms with it to some degree. God has given me these feelings for a reason. I am to disagree with people I love, respect and look up to. Its all for a reason. I am unable to share what I feel because of rejection. I am unable to disagree with them out loud because if I do, I am wrong. I'm ridiculed and criticized. My character and motive is questioned. I see these people in a new light, not one that I wish would stick around for too long.

The tears come, and all my fears are revealed. I am to let it go, I am to be silent. My feelings do not matter, my input is not wanted, is not welcomed. I am cast away without a care, and yet I am to let it go. I am not permitted to be insulted. I'm seen as young and unwise, unworthy of a listening ear.

How do I make them understand?
How can they ask me to keep this to myself?
How is it they do not see?

It's all for a reason. My feelings and my opinion are just, pure and understandable. However, I am to be silent. Lord help me to be silent.